While my husband was incredibly supportive of my decision to drop out of Gulf Coast, and we had a great time driving home on Sunday, I learned a DNF at a race is like a funeral. People either don't know what to say, completely ignore you, or say some extremely dumb things.
"Trust the Process" is something that is uttered in most sports, whether it be an individual sport or a team sport. After the extremely rough day I had at Gulf Coast 70.3, my coach gave me one day of recovery. The next day it was a recovery swim and then back to normal workouts. My legs ached so badly. I had not expected to get more than an hour workouts this week. There were a few days I had two. My body was still feeling the race. Another friend I row on the rowing machine with pushed me hard this week too. Even though neither one would listen, I wanted to remind them that just because I didn't finish the race doesn't mean I don't need recovery.
The day after my recovery swim, I had a hill repeat run workout. It was hot and I was moving slowly. On the cooldown walk back to my house, I thought about quitting triathlon and rowing(my crosstraining). My body just can't do it. I could go home, call my coach, drop my club membership and rowing studio membership, and just be done. I thought about the money I had tied up in Ironman Florida and Ironman Ottawa registration fees. I decided I would do what I felt like this week, see how I felt, and go from there. I knew if I outright quit I would never sign up for another Ironman because I didn't want to lose that much money.
I don't like posting on social media for posts begging for encouragement or asking friends to say something positive, but I needed to hear some good things. All I wanted to hear is you are capable, strong, and can do this. Your day will come. I wanted to hear it from someone that is in the triathlete community and not just me telling myself this.
Instead here are some of the things that were said:
"Have you thought about racing Athena to make yourself feel better?"
"Do something different."
"That's the problem with these long races is you never get your nutrition right."
"Sometimes you have to train sore, that's how you get fit." (I have completed 11 marathons, numerous triathlons and other endurance events. I understand the concept. My legs were so sore that I was wincing pushing off the pool wall during swimming.)
Everyone I thought would encourage me through a tough time had failed me. I completed most of my workouts because I knew when I came out on the other side of this mental barrier I was facing I would regret sitting around for the last three weeks and because I didn't want to hear about missing them from my coach, but I was angry and hurt. No one asked if I was okay and getting back to it. After texting a friend "Nobody Cares Work Harder has applied now more than ever." and not getting a response, I realized I am on my own. I think ninety-percent of the people in my life believe I can't do a 70.3 or Ironman. Yes I could call my coach and explain how I am feeling but I knew I could and had to get through it on my own. It has been three weeks of pure hell trying to get workouts in. I didn't want to be around people. I didn't want to go to swim practice with my team. Honestly, I wanted to sit on my rear end and do absolutely nothing.
Finally, after nearly three weeks, I got a little bit of motivation back. I did my hill repeat workout and decided that I was ready to go again. I went to swim. Even though I didn't want to be around people, I made small talk did my workout and left.
I got home from swim and set a major goal. I am hoping to lose 50 lbs by 70.3 Augusta, and 60 lbs by Ironman Florida. In 2025, we will be spending the summer in Canada where I will be racing 70.3 Tremblant, 70.3 Muskoka and Ironman Ottawa. Originally I wasn't sure if we were going to do this because we have several people from our triathlon team signed up for Ironman Ottawa, and I thought it would be great to train with them. After not getting what I hoped for in encouragement when I needed it, I decided I could disappear for the summer with my husband. We had an amazing time in Canada with just us and our puppies last summer and we will again next summer.
Since most people in my life don't believe I can do this, I am going to disappear and do it myself. I will come back better and stronger than ever. I still plan on going to swim practices with my team but that's all for now. I will bike and run on my own. I will write on here and post videos to Youtube about my progress.
My husband and I discovered this song while we were in Canada. We consider it one of our songs because many people thought we couldn't or we wouldn't spend a summer in Canada. It was just us and the puppies. It was a great time and we made life long memories. This song applies to nearly my entire life. From my doctor writing me off telling me it was just aging as to why I was so tired to all who doubt me that I can't do an Ironman, I will prove you wrong. Whether or not they actually miss me is irrelevant. I love myself and will continue to attempt to become the best me I can be.
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